What you never knew you had.....

Well.....this month is going to mark the 2 year anniversary of my dad's death. It's true what they say, you know - You don't know what you have until it's gone. Throughout my childhood my dad always pushed me to get the best grades and to try to be the best I could be in sports. I remember getting in trouble for C's and him saying that a "B" means that you could have done better. I even chose my first college major, computer networking, just to please him. After graduating with the degree, which I hated, I ended up going back to get my accounting degree. During my pursuit of my accounting degree, he was still calling asking about my grades. There were plenty of times that I became physically and mentally sick, because I knew that I had to get an "A" just to here good job from him. I hated him for this!! It was so stressful and I think Gary was sick of putting up with me during school. I would always read my chapters - cry because I didn't think I could do the homework, then do it. Then I would study - cry because I thought I was going to fail, then pass. I HAD TO GET AN A IN EVERYTHING...

Other than pushing me in school, I made the mistake of telling him about going to the gym everyday. Then I graduated with my second degree he would always call asking if I was still working out in the morning. The days I didn't I would hear disappointment in his voice, which ate me up for the rest of the day...until the next phone call we had and I could tell him that I haven't missed a day. So, as one could tell something I enjoyed doing became another task in trying to please my dad. Don't get me wrong though - I loved my dad, but it was like a love-hate relationship.

However - now that he has been gone for two years, I really miss those phone calls and that pushing I use to get from him. I would love for him to know that I have been going to the gym for the past two years without hardly missing any days. I know that he would love to hear that I run in 5K's and 1/2 marathons......Here lately it's been hard to push myself to go to the gym (I'm still doing it though) because I don't have anyone pushing me, no one encouraging me to go, or no one patting me on the back saying "good girl".

Sorry - I'm just rambling on here....I just wanted to get all my thoughts down so hopefully I could quit thinking about it.

It's been two years and I really miss him. I miss everything he said to me, even though I hated it at the time - I understand everything now and want to hear it again. Love ya, dad!!