Everyone Has A Story.....

I find it amazing that everyone's story about how they were led to Christ is just so different. I love to hear the stories people tell about their journey and what life was like before they were saved - I think the sharing of these stories also helps the non-believers....

I've been contemplating about blogging my story for over a month now because it is so easy to judge people. However, I realize that it might actually help someone out there in the blogging world. After I came to know Christ is took about 8 years for me to realize that Christ does forgive and has forgiven me for all the stupid things I use to do. The verse, that helped me out the most with this was Isaiah 43:25, "I, even I, am the one who wipes out your transgressions for My own sake; And I will not remember your sins." - this post will probably be a little long, but I'll do what I can to shorten it.

Growing up as a little girl, we did not go to church. I'm not sure why, but I think it was because my dad wouldn't go (just a guess). I really did not start going to church until close to the end of my senior year in high school. During my childhood I can only remember a handful of times we did actually go to church. It was on Easter, because everyone else goes on Easter or it was because I went with a neighbor. I remember going to my neighbor's Sunday school class one particular time because the teacher asked everyone to draw what God means to us. I remember thinking, who? what? I don't understand? So, in turn I just copied my neighbor's drawing.

I also remember growing up my mother sitting at the kitchen table reading her Bible, which I really didn't have a clue about (other than some of the words were in red and others in black). While she was doing that my dad would be in the living room reading his newly sent Playboy magazine. Which I might add, that he was reading this out in the open, not trying to hide anything. Plus, if we ever wanted to see what was illustrated in the publication, all my sister and I had to do was look in the bathroom magazine rack or in the floor of his side of the closet. (if you wanted to know - yes we looked did through them) I remember, taking some of his really old magazines (the ones in the garage) and selling them to other kids....Yep, I was that kid that sold your boy his first girly book.

Next, I took my first drink of alcohol when I was in 5th grade. My best friend had a father that was an alcoholic, so he never knew anything was missing. Needless, to say after that first night of drinking when I came home the next morning I was vomiting in the kitchen sink. I just told my mom that my friends sister had a stomach bug, so I must of caught it.

So, as you can imagine by the time I was in high school I had a pretty messed up mind. I continued to drink, heck I could even get served alcohol at one of the local bars downtown and I was only 18. Plus, I had been in multiple adult book stores getting things some people could only imagine. With these two previous sentences, I think you can put one and one together on some of the things I was doing. - So, I don't think there is a need to go into any more detail.

My turning point.........It was funny how everything turned around. I remember it was close the the end of my high school career and the guy I was going a lot of these "things" with ask me if I knew God. I of course, said no, not really why? Then we talked about God for the course of about thirty minutes to an hour and this guy told me what God meant to him. Afterwards, we started attending church however we still participated in the things that were not considered good in the sight of God. Finally, we broke it off and I got my life straightened out. I started attending Woodland Park Baptist Church and the preacher at the time taught the Bible in ways that anyone could understand.

Well - that it, that's my story. Oh - and Gary knows all about this, I told him everything once I thought our relationship was getting somewhat serious. Plus - I confessed everything to my mom as well....

What Am I Thinking.....

Ok - today I have a different feeling about school and not sure if I can make that kind of commitment again. So, I might just take the GMAT to see if I score high enough. Then from there do some more thinking to see if this is really what I want to do.....

Got to go at work - trying not to get caught blogging.....:)

Back to School, Are You Serious??

The department I am currently working in is looking for two more employees. Today my department, as a whole, got together to go over all the resumes and I noticed that a lot of candidates had or were in process of receiving a master's degree. Actually, the job description stated master's degree preferred.......AHHHHHHHH!! I graduated back in August 2006, so I guess 2.5 years is a pretty good break. (or at least enough time for me to forget about all my negative feelings toward school)

A couple of months ago I started talking to Gary about going back to school and he said that he would prefer that I did not go back. --Only because he doesn't want me to work for the rest of my life. (I do not agree with this, because what would happen if he left this earth before me or he lost his job??) However, after I expressed my concerns about my departments job posting preferring a master's degree tonight, he finally gave me his blessing to go back to school. We talked about it for awhile because I was looking to just get a general MBA, but he stated that it would be a lot better if I got my Master's in Accountancy instead. He said that being more specialized would be a greater advantage in the workplace. Plus, I would then be eligible to sit for the CPA exam. So, tomorrow I will probably get a GMAT study guide and start studying to take this test to see if I can actually get in grad school.

OMG!!! I cannot believe I'm talking about going back to school, but it should take me less than two years (by my calculations I will only need 10 classes)......If I actually get accepted into the program, I must maintain a 3.0 and any class that I receive less than "B" I will have to repeat. OHHH - I hope I don't end up in the loony bin!!

It Started Before Sunrise....

Saturday morning I was suppose to go to a Women's Ministry Brunch, however my plans changed. This past week I've just been plain mean and evil to Gary. I don't know if has been due to lack of sleep because of getting in bed late, or lack of sleep because Reagan has been sick again. (Stupid rock eating dog!) So, instead of going about pretending that all is well in the "Petty" world, I decided it would be best if me and my faithful companion (Reagan) to go out for an early morning run.

Reagan and I headed to the park before 7am, so when we got there it was still dark but the sun was just about to rise. We started down on one of our normal roads and during this time I spent it in prayer and voicing my problems to God. During the first mile we had trees on each side of us, but then when we came upon an open field on our right it was truly amazing. I say this because the sun was shining bright over the tall trees to my left and was highlighting the hill of the field. It seemed like God was just letting me know that He has always and will always be there. After reflecting on everything He has done in my life and again letting Him know how much I am struggling with anger towards others and taking it out on Gary - by the end I said that it was all in His hands and I cannot change or do anything without Him.

Needless to say after my early morning run, I felt a lot better about things. Which is good because by that afternoon drama crept back into my life......

Until next time.

What you never knew you had.....

Well.....this month is going to mark the 2 year anniversary of my dad's death. It's true what they say, you know - You don't know what you have until it's gone. Throughout my childhood my dad always pushed me to get the best grades and to try to be the best I could be in sports. I remember getting in trouble for C's and him saying that a "B" means that you could have done better. I even chose my first college major, computer networking, just to please him. After graduating with the degree, which I hated, I ended up going back to get my accounting degree. During my pursuit of my accounting degree, he was still calling asking about my grades. There were plenty of times that I became physically and mentally sick, because I knew that I had to get an "A" just to here good job from him. I hated him for this!! It was so stressful and I think Gary was sick of putting up with me during school. I would always read my chapters - cry because I didn't think I could do the homework, then do it. Then I would study - cry because I thought I was going to fail, then pass. I HAD TO GET AN A IN EVERYTHING...

Other than pushing me in school, I made the mistake of telling him about going to the gym everyday. Then I graduated with my second degree he would always call asking if I was still working out in the morning. The days I didn't I would hear disappointment in his voice, which ate me up for the rest of the day...until the next phone call we had and I could tell him that I haven't missed a day. So, as one could tell something I enjoyed doing became another task in trying to please my dad. Don't get me wrong though - I loved my dad, but it was like a love-hate relationship.

However - now that he has been gone for two years, I really miss those phone calls and that pushing I use to get from him. I would love for him to know that I have been going to the gym for the past two years without hardly missing any days. I know that he would love to hear that I run in 5K's and 1/2 marathons......Here lately it's been hard to push myself to go to the gym (I'm still doing it though) because I don't have anyone pushing me, no one encouraging me to go, or no one patting me on the back saying "good girl".

Sorry - I'm just rambling on here....I just wanted to get all my thoughts down so hopefully I could quit thinking about it.

It's been two years and I really miss him. I miss everything he said to me, even though I hated it at the time - I understand everything now and want to hear it again. Love ya, dad!!